


you'll come back (when they call you)

by Eirwyn



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Temporary Character Death, spoilers for episode 41
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-18 00:26:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9354200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eirwyn/pseuds/Eirwyn
Summary: They were too late.Gilmore was dead.Vox Machina don't manage to heal Gilmore in the secret room under his shop, so a resurrection ritual is initiated.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A nice heartwarming fic in which I speculate on what exactly would have happened had Vox Machina shown up too late and Gilmore was already dead from his wounds. I know, I know, I'm a giving person. This time, I decided to give you all tears. Like the recent Critical Role episodes haven't given us all enough of them.
> 
> The working title of this fic was 'horrible heartbreak fic', which should tell you all you need to know.
> 
> I have taken liberties with how Matt has said his resurrection rituals work, simply for dramatic effect. I assure you, I know this is not how they function in-game, but if you try and tell me that every single member of Vox Machina wouldn't try to attempt to participate, I will laugh in your face.

Of all the things Vax expected to find in a secret room under Gilmore’s destroyed shop, ex-Empress Salda and her three children was perhaps one of the last things on his list. In response to their immediate (and probably overwrought) inquiries about Uriel, she said. “I don’t believe my husband made it. But we’re alive…”

“Did you see him fall?” Vax couldn’t help but interrupt, hoping that she had at least been spared that pain, of seeing her husband’s body crumpled and broken and lifeless as she tried to get her children to safety.

“No.” She looked over into the far corner and Vax followed her gaze to what looked like a pile of rags, on top of which was one long pile of dark blue crushed velvet with a small puddle of crimson under it. “He… he saved us.”

Glancing back over in the corner, Vax narrowed his eyes in the gloom and focussed, before feeling the bottom of his stomach fall out as suddenly, his eyes comprehended what they were seeing and allowed him to see the shape of what appeared to be Gilmore, arm draped over his midsection and lying scarily still.

Vax moved before he even registered that his body was doing something, skidding to his knees next to Gilmore and reaching for him, some desperate hope praying that when he touched Gilmore’s face he would still feel life within him, still find some spark that could be brought back. Vax laid a hand on Gilmore’s face and all hope drained from him in an instant. Gilmore’s skin was cold and pale and though still slack, was starting to stiffen. Even for someone who had never touched a dead body before, feeling one was unmistakable. They were too late.

Gilmore was dead.

A sob ripped its way out of Vax’s throat, uncontrollable and filled with grief even to his own ears as he hauled Gilmore into his lap, one arm around his shoulders to support him and the other around his neck, guiding Gilmore’s head to loll against Vax’s shoulder, his hand tangled into Gilmore’s hair, ignoring that it was stiff with blood and sweat. Vax pressed his forehead to Gilmore’s, the chill against his skin just making him sob harder and clutch Gilmore closer.

His grief was consumed him so completely that he was completely unaware of the rest of Vox Machina coming to surround him, all of them grieving along with him. All three of the girls were crying as well, and even Scanlan was wiping away tears. Percy was painfully solemn, his face paler than normal and drawn with grief and Grog was looking lost, almost unable to understand this sudden, unexpected and painful loss of a man who had been so integral to their experience of Emon, and then so integral to their lives.

Vax flinched as a hand landed on his shoulder, but he moved enough to follow the hand back up to its owner and met a pair of eyes identical to his own. His sister, face tear-streaked and trembling, crouched down next to him to lean her head against his other shoulder and reach out to gently touch Gilmore’s face. Vax felt his heart break all over again as her face crumpled when her touch confirmed for her what she must have already known - that Gilmore was gone. He heard her gasp, “I’m so sorry,” before her tears took her voice again.

Vax had no idea how long they all stood or sat around Gilmore, grieving. Sherri was in amongst them all, not even trying to hide how much pain she was in, and Salda had withdrawn a bit, taking the children with her in some small attempt to give them some privacy. However long it was, it was still a shock to all of them when Pike suddenly exclaimed, her voice wet with tears not yet shed. “Wait! I can help! I can help him.”

Keyleth shook her head slowly. “Pike, no, no, he’s…. He’s been gone too long.”

“For the spell I normally use, yeah! But this one… this one could work!” Pike’s eyes were large and bright as she pleaded. “We have to try. For Gilmore, please, we have to try.”

Vax very gently laid Gilmore back down, his hands careful and reverent as he whispered. “Whatever you need, Pike.”

Pike took a deep breath and nodded, before her voice took on a different quality, an attempt at emotional distance, as she began to explain. “I need a diamond worth a thousand gold, which the spell is going to consume in payment. Vex, do you…?”

Vex had already gone over to where Grog was carrying the Bag of Holding and had started to search through it, saying. “If you need it, Pike, you’ll have it. One way or another.”

“Okay.” Pike took a steadying breath. “I’m trying to reach for his soul and guide it back with Sarenrae’s gift, but I can only guide. He has to be the one to grasp life again. For that, any of you that can need to make an... offering is probably the best word. Something to make him want to stay.”

Most of Vox Machina were gathered in a loose circle around where Gilmore lay, and despite the current of hope running through Vax again, kindled by the fact that he had never yet seen Pike fail to bring someone back when she was determined to, Vax could still hardly bear to look down at the body at his feet. It was too small, too fragile, too wrong to be considered Gilmore, and it hurt to look at it. 

Vex grasped at something with a cry of triumph and came running back over with Grog in tow, handing over a flawless diamond to Pike and said. “That should be enough, right?”

Pike nodded, having propped Gilmore’s head up on some piled-up rags so she could more easily kneel behind his head. “It’s perfect, Vex. Are we all ready?”

Various nods and murmurs echoed through the underground room as Pike closed her eyes, reached up with one hand to grasp her symbol of Sarenrae and held out the diamond over the body with her other hand. A bright flash of golden light sprung up from the hand that clutched the diamond and the diamond vanished, consumed as Pike had said, before the flash settled into a golden radiant glow that emanated from Pike’s form as she moved her hands to curve around Gilmore’s head, not actually touching but hovering a few inches above.

After a few tense, silent minutes, Pike called. “Now! He needs you now!”

By some unspoken agreement, they went around the circle, starting with Scanlan who was standing to the left of Pike. Scanlan looked startled just for a second, before gathering himself and crouching down, hand going into his pocket as he did so. Vax didn't recognise the potion he pulled out and laid down, but quickly had it explained as Scanlan began to speak.

“You made this. This is your genius at work here, Gilmore, and it's why it's not your time yet. The world can't lose you yet.”

Scanlan stepped back and scrubbed a hand over his face, the only tell of distress or grief that Scanlan had. Next to him was Keyleth, still crying a little, but calmed by the focus on the ritual and she stepped up with her hands already moving, creating something out of nothing.

When she was finished, there was a small, beautiful, still-living plant in her cupped hands, with branches and roots and vibrant green leaves like a tree, but also covered in delicate, white, five-petaled flowers and the whole thing seemed to glow very slightly, overflowing with life. 

Keyleth crouched down and gently set it down onto Gilmore’s still chest, her tears starting up again as she touched his cold skin, and whispered. “It’s beautiful, and it’s alive, and it’s for you. Please, Gilmore.”

She stepped back into the circle, and Percy immediately hugged her tightly, giving her the support that Vax knew he should be offering, but couldn’t, not with all his mind still caught up on the image of Gilmore lying there still and cold, the exact opposite of what he was supposed to be. 

Percy, being the next in the circle, was the next to give his offering, but unlike Scanlan and Keyleth, he didn’t step forward, but stayed where he was with his arms around Keyleth, supporting her. He opened his mouth and said, “Gilmore, I don’t know if you hold much faith in the Gods, but I can think of nothing more appropriate to who you are than this,” before sliding without much effort into singing in a completely different language. Percy’s voice was remarkably pleasing to listen to, despite it being obvious that it had been a while since he had sung. The words themselves held no meaning to Vax, but as he looked over at Pike, he could see that the tears that had started to gather in her eyes now were overflowing, so clearly she understood what Percy was saying.

Percy didn’t sing for long, perhaps a minute, and there was a short silence after he stopped, as if the music had cast its own spell over the whole desperate group of them. Eventually, Vex cleared her throat and stepped forward, and Vax found himself oddly tense, wondering what exactly his sister could or would offer. She did crouch down and lay a hand on Gilmore’s arm, her other hand clutching what looked like a leather pouch. As she moved, the pouch clinked and Vax realised all of a sudden, what Vex was planning on offering.

“You know I don’t like paying for things.” Vex laughed wetly. “The first time we ever met, it didn’t work on you, but afterwards, it was like you were letting me get away with it. I must owe you so much money, and I only ever did it because it was habit, not because I didn’t think it was worth paying full price.”

She laid the pouch of coins next to Gilmore’s limp hand and murmured. “You’re worthy of respect, Gilmore.”

When Vex stepped back into the circle, it was Grog’s turn. It should have been Vax’s, but he wasn’t exactly in the circle, having taken a few steps back, unable to to watch for the pounding of his heart. Grog didn’t say anything at first, just stepped forward and dug through the Bag of Holding, eventually pulling out some familiar robes. They were a set of very fine robes that the group had invested in when it appeared they were going to be spending more time in Emperor Uriel’s court. Of course, they had hardly ever been used, because exactly one of them knew how to behave in a court, and Percy never had the inclination to go.

Grog shook out the robes and said slowly. “Uh, you always like nice clothes and pretty things, so these are nice and pretty, and for you.”

He carefully laid the robes down over Gilmore’s body, using them almost like blankets and handling them with more tenderness than Vax had even thought it was possible for Grog to possess if it didn’t involve Pike.

After Grog had stepped back, Vax kept his eyes on Pike, ignoring the rest of Vox Machina staring at him. A few minutes passed, and Pike’s eyes opened, the colour completely obscured by the glowing golden light as she called out in distress. “It’s not working! He needs more help!”

“Vax!” Scanlan shouted immediately. “What are you waiting for?”

Vax shook his head, mouth open and eyes wide. He couldn’t. He _couldn’t_. What could he possibly offer Gilmore that would make him want to return to the material plane? There was nothing that Gilmore could want from him, and more than that, Gilmore probably didn’t even want him to help in the first place. Better it came from Sherri, or, or….

“Vax, come on, please!” Keyleth begged, her voice broken and worried. “You have to, there’s nobody else!”

“I… what….” Vax’s voice was failing him, grief and pain and panic stealing it from him. 

“Brother, it’s Gilmore!” Vex said emphatically, leaving the circle to stand in front of him and grip his shoulders. “It’s _Gilmore_ , you have to try. You have to.”

Vax let her lead him back over, and crouched next to Gilmore’s body, before finding that far too impersonal and kneeling down. He hesitated for a couple of breathes before reaching out to lay a hand back on Gilmore’s cold face, cupping it gently. The touch was just as powerful as the first time, and caused much the same reaction, as Vax found his vision suddenly blurred by tears. He began to speak, not knowing what exactly he was going to say, but deciding to just let it come.

“You’re so beautiful,” Was that his voice, Vax wondered, so choked and strangled that it was hardly intelligible? “Inside and out, you always have been. I should have told you that much more, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. I’m sorry for bringing this on you. I’m sorry for everything.”

Then Vax did the only thing he could think of, the only thing that his mind, half-mad with grief that it was, presented to him as a possible solution. He leaned forward and kissed Gilmore. It was only the second time Vax had ever kissed Gilmore, and even though the first kiss had been a goodbye, an acknowledgement of what might have been and no more, Vax thought that at least it had been with a Gilmore that could respond, one that was warm and alive and vital in ways he had never known. This kiss was a last resort of a terrified man, bestowed on a body that would never be aware of it, regardless of how the ritual turned out.

Vax drew back, still completely focused on Gilmore and whispered. “Please, Shaun, please, don’t leave me. You can’t leave me.”

There was a gasp from Pike, a sudden bright flash of golden light and then, slowly, everything dimmed. Vax moved when Pike took her hands away from Gilmore’s head, shifting Gilmore so that his head was resting on Vax’s lap instead of rags and waited to see something, anything, that indicated that the ritual had succeeded, counting his own heartbeats was a way of tracking time.

One heartbeat. Two heartbeats. Three heartbeats. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eig-

There was a gasp for breath and quickly following it, the release of eight others. As Gilmore’s chest rose and fell in front of him, Vax couldn’t help but lean in to press a kiss against Gilmore’s forehead, relief making him light-headed, his face still wet with tears as he started to smooth Gilmore’s hair out.

As he pulled away, Gilmore’s body shivered, and then began to cough a little, before eyes slowly blinked open. Those eyes cast about a bit, before focusing on Vax above him and tipping up one corner of his mouth in a small attempt at a smile as he said. “That’s always what I assumed I’d see in my last moments.”

And that, _that_ , was so overwhelming a statement that all Vax could say, voice still a bit choked from all the emotion in the room, was. “Bad day, huh?”


End file.
